I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
