She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
As shirtless as possible
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
