I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
