omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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