Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
