what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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