it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
