Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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