Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
