All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
