Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
