I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
