dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Someone signed my nipple.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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