I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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