So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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