apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
