Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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