is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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