I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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