I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
