I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
