As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
