Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
