He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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