I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
