I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
