if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a