I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
