idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.