yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
why do cheetos always look like penises
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
