dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I don't deserve a penis
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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