i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
