When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
