Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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