508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
