There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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