Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
