Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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