apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
