My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
