dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
