so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
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