She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
