He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
so much tequila, so little girl.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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