Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
im having a threesome with these popsicles
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
