Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
