you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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