I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
