Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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