have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
