I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
this boner is exhausting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
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Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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