4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
