I just made out with a guy for $7.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
