Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize