Pants 0. Shit 1.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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