the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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