Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
