I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
