I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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