She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
