I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
