In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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