i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
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you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
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I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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