He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
