My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
