You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
