So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My feet surprised me
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
