dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
