i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Congratulations! We have a period
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