i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
