he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
