Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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