I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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