Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
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Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
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He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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