I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
