he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
that may or may not have been my penis.
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