break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
