Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
