If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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