found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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