the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
